According to Reuters and the Courier Mail, a woman in Australia received a text message from her husband that read, "Where are you darling, I'm waiting."
The message did not seem to be addressed to her.
So she went home and found her husband watching a DVD. When she tried to go into the bedroom, he told her to lie on the couch instead.
When she went into the bedroom, she found an empty condom package under his pillow and a pair of panties at the foot of the bed under the sheets.
She tried to sell the items on eBay, but they have a rule against selling "secondhand underwear." So instead she using eBay to sell the condom package and a photo of the panties under the heading, "EMPTY CONDOM PACKET & A PHOTO OF 'THE TART'S' KNICKERS FOUND IN OUR BED AFTER A TWO TIMING LOW LIFE'S AFFAIR"
[UPDATE 8/15: Current bid, $25,500 ($US)]
[UPDATE 8/18: Winning bid, US$303 (AU$349.24) -- so I guess the $25K bid wasn't serious or was rejected for some reason.]
Ordinarily, I wouldn't quote this extensively, but since this is an eBay listing that will expire and be removed in future, I'm going to quote her entire product description here:
Weirdness : Really Weird, unique, unusual
Condition: Used - BUT ONLY ONCE
Subject Area: Adult, immature
Type: Weak Type - IQ of a cabbage
Year: Knowing him, under 20 years
UP FOR AUCTION ARE
ONE EMPTY ANSELL CONDOM PACKET (SIZE small)
AND A PHOTO OF THE PAIR OF 'THE TART'S' BLACK LACEY KNICKERS (SIZE HUMONGOUS)
IT SEEMS I HAD VIOLATED EBAY'S SECONDHAND CLOTHES POLICY BY OFFERING 'THE TART'S' (HER NAME'S KYLIE i HAVE SINCE FOUND OUT) ACTUAL KNICKERS UP FOR AUCTION PREVIOUSLY
I CAN ONLY NOW OFFER A PHOTO OF THE SAID KNICKERS AND HAVE ADJUSTED THE STARTING PRICE ACCORDINGLY........ PERSONALLY, I DID THINK .99c WAS A BIT AMBITIOUS BUT, AS THEY ARE SO HUGE, I THOUGHT THEY MAY MAKE SOMEONE A NICE SHAWL OR EVEN BETTER, SOMETHING FOR HALLOWEEN PERHAPS,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
SO HERE'S THE STORY SO FAR.........
Once upon a time there was a women [sic] who, after 22 years of marriage, found evidence that the soon to be ex-husband, had had 'The Tart' in their marital bed this very afternoon. This low life deceitful son-of-a-person ( I'm all for political correctness) blatently [sic] denied that this event took place even though the evidence is irrefutable and is now up for auction on e-bay.
The first tiny warning bells started ringing around about the same time a text message was received by the wife stating 'Where are you darling, I'm waiting'. As the wife had left the soon to be ex-husband at home only a couple of hours earlier to go to work, she thought it somewhat strange getting a message of that ilk from him. After a while curiosity got the better of her and with some trepidation, she decided to go home after telling her boss she had an upset stomach, which was no lie. When she arrived home an hour or so later, everything seemed normal but she couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't quite right. His car was parked in the drive-way where she had seen it earlier on and when she got inside, there he was infront [sic] of the T.V. watching a DVD as usual. She explained she wasn't feeling too well and said she was going to lie down for a while. His re-action to this was a bit odd to say the least. 'Why don't you lie down here on the couch for a while and I'll get you a cup of tea', he said. That was her first clue that something really was amiss here. Call him chauvinistic if you want and you would be right because this low-life had never made her a cup of tea in over 22 years of marriage.... so why offer now. Yep, you guessed it, he didn't want her going into the bedroom.... now why was that you may ask. She concluded later that 'The 'Tart' must have been in the process of getting her ass dressed and out of there pronto when she had unexpectedly arrived home. Of course she made a bee line for the bedroom then, with soon to be ex-hubby on her heels and apart from an unmistakable aroma of some cheap perfume resembling nail polish remover hanging in the air, nothing seemed to be different - except for one thing. Oh, you men, you will never understand why we have those, annoying to you though they may be, throw pillows and cushions on a bed and what they mean to us women. They are aesthetically important to our decor and when you see them piled up on a chair in a corner of the room, instead of on the bed where you arranged them a few hours ago, those tiny warning bells you heard earlier were now starting to sound like 'Big Ben'. Walking over to the bed, she started slowly taking it apart whilst the soon to be ex-husband stood in the doorway watching. Initially, when she first took the doona cover off, she was sure he just thought she was going to have a lie down but he was oh so very wrong. After the doona was deposited on the floor, she picked up her pillow, turned it over, checked under where it had been and then threw it on the floor. Then came his pillow, she picked it up and here was where she found the first of the two items up for auction - an empty condom packet. With forefinger and thumb, it was gently lifted from the bed and dangled in front of the soon to be ex-husband's nose. He had, by then, turned a lovely shade of red and you could see his mind was racing,... 'how the hell am I going to get out of this'. He then said the only inane thing he could come up with at the time which was, 'What's that?'. As a couple, they had not used condoms for many years, or at least she hadn't, but surely that didn't mean he could have forgotten what one looked like! For some reason, she continued to strip the bed and when the top sheet was removed the location of the 2nd item up for auction, 'The Tart's' knickers, were discovered at the foot of the bed.
Explanations were needed pronto and would you beleive [sic] it, he actually came up with some. They were all a pack of lies and instead of admitting it, apologizing and starting to grovel, this is what he came up with. 'I dropped my phone down the toilet, I didn't want to put my hands down there and I could't [sic] get it out with the toilet brush so I used a condom because I couldn't find any rubber gloves'. Well, well, well, that was thinking on your feet eh! She thought she had heard it all now but figured she would see how big a hole he really was keen to dig for himself so she then asked. ' When was that then and where did you get the condom from?'. He replied, 'It happened just after you left for work and I rummaged around and found one in the pocket of an old jacket in the wardrobe'. 'So how is your phone then, is it working?' she asked... 'No, it's stuffed', he replied. 'So how do you explain sending me a text message a couple of hours after I was at work then'. 'What message? It wasn't from me, my phone's not working', he replied but noticed he had gone a funny shade of green as it began to sink in that he had actually sent the text to her by mistake. 'What about these knickers then, what are they doing in our bed and whose are they', she asked thinking to herself, this will be good. She wasn't disappointed, as blatant as lies go, it was a classic. 'Sorry love, I've been meaning to tell you for years but I am a closet transvestite and they are mine'.
10 out of 10 for trying buddy but your [sic] out of here........ systematically his clothes were gathered up and thrown out the front door along with 'The 'Tart's' knickers which, after second thoughts, were scooped up and retrieved. YES, there really is a God for it started to rain then. Not just that fine rain which gets on your damn nerves but bucket loads of torrential rain which the soon to be ex-husband found himself standing in whilst calling the soon to be ex-missus all the names under the sun. He was gathering up his wet soggy clothes and the photo she had thrown at him of them outside the church on their wedding day (she thought that maybe [sic] a nice touch) when he screamed out for his car keys and wallet. Off she went to get them and with no hesitation, handed them over and told him to get lost in no uncertain terms then watched as he drove away. Dangling in her hand was the key she had slipped off his keyring, to the soon to be ex-husband's 'Harley Hog', his pride and joy - which brings me nicely to the next item that will probably be sold on Ebay at a start price of.99c and of course, with no reserve!
AND THATS [sic] THE STORY SO FAR...... HAPPY BIDDING
Q: Hi annastella007 Now he's gone will u go out with me,i wont play up on u !!!!
A: Thanks but do you really think you can handle a women in the middle of a 'Hell hath no Fury like a women scorned' vendetta...... me thinks not but nice of you to ask all the same and I hope you find someone. Cheers.
Q: Hi. I'm wondering if rubber gloves were used in handling of the mentioned tarts knickers, and if the bed was completely stripped and sterilized after the event. Also can you tell me what size they are because the 'photo' might be a good one to send to someone as an example of fine underwear...
A: Hi, Rubber gloves were not involved in the removal of 'The Tart's' knickers from the bed. However, as an avid movie buff, I took a leaf out of 'Basic Instinct' and gave em a boil up on the stove.... they shrunk a bit so I don't think they would even fit a bunny now! I did a 'Midnight Oil' on the bed the follwing day fueled by a nice little collection of 'Phantom' comics which the soon to be ex-husband had been collecting for a while but they looked pretty old to me so I figured he probably would'nt want them anyway. Cheers, Anna
[UPDATE 8/18: Final closed auction shows this addition:
On Aug-15-08 at 19:41:51 PDT, seller added the following information:
Hi everyone and my sincere thanks for the humongous amount of support, comments and questions you have sent and must apologise for not being able to answer many of them. However, I have selected a few of the more common ones to answer so here goes:
NO, sorry, you cannot have Kylie's phone number.
NO, the Harley will not be cut in half to give him his share, far too much respect for the bike to do that!
NO, 'The Tart's' knickers are not suitable for use as sails for your boats, 2 man tents or parachutes etc.
YES, you could have used the missing condom as a back pack for your Hamster Andy.....
YES, the winning bidder will receive a new (one off) photo of 'The Tart's Knickers' - not the one displayed here.
As for the questions pertaining to if, when and what was said to the soon to be ex husband the last time he was seen..... well as it turns out, that was fairly recently. Arrived on the doorstep holding flowers, a box of chocolates and wearing an expression that would certainly have won Gold in the 'Poor Me' event at the Olympics if they had one. His apologies were nothing that had not been heard before and a heated discussion (oh, alright then, a row) broke out. His last words were, 'my God woman, does that mouth of yours come with it's own postcode' - must admit that for a nano second there, a fleeting thought of 'good comeback' was recorded but it wasn't over yet. He was then told in no uncertain terms, not to try and battle wits with someone when he was unarmed and that now, all he was doing now was shuffling the deck chairs on the Titanic..... he was going down. The chocolates were snatched out of his hands (we women know our priorities) before the door was closed firmly (oh alright, slammed then) in his face.]