From the "you learn something new every day" file

Today, "Overheard In New York" used the term "crotch-walk" twice in the space of about four hours. Now, I can pretty well figure out from context what they mean by "crotch walk," but I just wanted to be sure that I understood it. So I went digging on the Internets for some answers.

As it turns out, that is easier said than done. Urban Dictionary does not have an entry for it. A Yahoo search provided a wide array of possible answers, none of which fit the context used in "Overheard," and, frankly, some of which were basically pornographic. Finally, a Google search produced several videos that support my initial image (but I won't embed any here, you can go follow the link if you really are that curious).

However, one of the several interpretations provided by the Yahoo search pointed to the term "crotch-walk" as being a method of shoplifting -- the one demonstrated by Divine in "Pink Flamingos" ("I kept it warm in my own oven!").

And my favorite quote, the most vivid mental image of all, came from a crime prevention site that stated, "'Crotch-walking' is a technique used by women wearing full skirts and dresses. They simply place the merchandise between their thighs and walk away. Thieves who are good at this have been known to steal hams, TYPEWRITERS, and other large objects" [my emphasis].

I'm sorry, if there's anyone out there who can successfully sneak a typewriter out of a store by holding it between his or her thighs and walking out the door without attracting any attention to himself or herself, that is someone who I just plain don't want to meet in a dark alley. Definitely someone to stay on the good side of.

Come to think of it, anyone who can disguise carrying a ham between their legs deserves some respect as well -- even the small ones are HUGE. If I tried doing that, I'd be walking bowlegged for a month afterward.