"Crack"-down on saggy pants

Via Joe.My.God, re-sourced through mlive.com (in order to get some of the press puns in):

"FLINT, Michigan -- The city's new police chief is saying no to crack.

"Acting Flint Police Chief David R. Dicks announced Thursday that officers will begin arresting people wearing pants or shorts that sag too low exposing rear ends.

"'This immoral self expression goes beyond free speech,' said Dicks in a statement released Thursday. 'It rises to the crime of indecent exposure/disorderly persons.'"

And through Detroit Free Press:

"Flint residents now have to watch their butts because Police Chief David Dicks is on the lookout."

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The moment when I knew for certain that I was officially a middle-aged curmudgeon was three or four years ago in the security line at LAX.

There was a young man a few people ahead of me in line whose jeans were hanging dangerously low.

There came an announcement over the loudspeaker system that men should remove their belts before going through the metal detectors. I was traveling a lot those days, and this was the first time I had ever heard this kind of announcement about belts, which is more commonplace now. Now we know that an ordinary, non-humongous belt buckle won't set off the metal detector. But at the time, everyone just followed orders.

Once this young man took his belt off, he had to hold onto his jeans in order to keep them from falling to his ankles -- they had been hanging on only because his belt stopped them from dropping any farther.

I could see from where I stood in line that he was wearing a chunky gold watch, and I figured that the announcement about belts had made him forget about his watch. So after he set off the metal detector, they yanked him over to the side in order to wand him.

They said, "Hold your arms out like this" and demonstrated how he should hold his arms straight out to his sides.

He held his right arm out to the side while using his left to hold up his jeans. Then he held out his left arm while using his right to hold up his jeans.

"Both at the same time!" they barked.

"But I can't do that! My pants will fall down!"

By this time, I was through security, so I never got to see the end of this little drama.

As I walked off toward my gate, I chastised myself, "Now, you saw that coming. You had plenty of opportunity to warn that young man about his watch, and you didn't say anything. You just let him walk right into trouble that you could have saved him from."

Then I answered itself, "I know. And it was pretty funny, too, wasn't it?"