THE BOOK OF YELLING!!

Found for sale at Amazon.com.

I really encourage you to follow the link and view Amazon's "Look Inside" excerpts.  You will find that:


(1)  The book, whose main message seems already to have been put so eloquently and concisely in the title, is over 600 pages long (the tenth chapter, "POEMS AND PRAISE TO OUR CREATOR GOD: AND TO OUR  LORD AND SAVIOR EMMANUEL JESUS WHO IS >" starts on page 617);

(2) In order to indicate how important every word in the book really is, THE *ENTIRE BOOK SEEMS TO BE WRITTEN IN **ALL **CAPS!!  AND SEEMS TO USE>; A LOT: OF *EXCLAMATION MARKS: AND: COLONS: >> AND >s AND **ASTERISKS WITH> *NO: *APP:AR>;ENT MOTIV:*A>:TION !!!

(3)  I'm not even going to comment on the spelling and grammar.  And use of incomplete sentences.  And overuse of question marks??? 

(4) It seems the author's parents had a creative approach to the name "Elizabeth."

(5) Though the title claims that the book is about birth control (not just abortion, but condoms, pills and other contraceptives), the chapter titles seem to indicate that a lot of the book is about "Where the Church went wrong," "Some more of the Church's greatest mistakes" and "Well, that about wraps it up for the Church" (apologies to Douglas Adams).

One of Amazon's 92 user reviews puts it quite well: 

"Despite being written entirely in BLOCK CAPITALS, this self-published work conveys its message elegantly. In fact, you don't even need to read it to understand the main argument being put forward.

"True, by avoiding this book you will miss out on the precise location of the heretical surfboard worshipped by the British royal family and the sinister significance of Abe Lincoln's unholy quadrille. You will also miss out on the explanation of why the Hairy-Eared Dwarf Lemur is really God's own tree-dwelling angel-on-earth and on the coded instructions showing how to grow a prize-winning mushroom, which the author cunningly gleaned from a close textural analysis of St. Paul's third birthday card to the Corinthians."

The author's biography on the publisher's website reads as follows:

"MS. ELIYZABETH YANNE STRONG IS A CHRISTIAN EVANGELIST SPEAKER:   AND A CHRISTIAN HOLY BIBLE WRITER/TEACHER:  CHOSEN AND CALLED BY THE HOLYSPIRIT GOD: MS. ELIYZABETH  STARTED TWO CHRISTIAN CABLE TELEVISION PRODUCTIONS IN 1996:  CALLED: CHRISTIAN POWER! HEALTH PROSPERITY AND SOUL!!  ALSO : AND  ALSO > TEENAGER AND KIDS TELEVISION PRODUCTION CALLED:> CHILDREN RAISED IN THE LOVE OF JESUS. *SHE ALSO STARTED A CHRISTIAN BASE MILITARY CHRISTIAN BOOKSTORES AND MALL CART BUSINESS DURING IN 1991.  ALL THREE CHRISTIAN MINISTRIES ARE > NOW  ONLINE CHRISTIAN WEBSITES UNDER THE NAMES:
http://christianpowerbookstores.spreadtheword.com/ **

http://group.msn.com/ChristianPowerHealthProsperityAndSoul ALSO >;
http://groups.msn.com/ChildrenRaisedInTheLoveOfJesus 

"*MS. ELIYZABETH YANNE STRONG: ALSO HAS A 1ST DEGREE BLACK BELT IN TAEJUKENPO KARATE: SHE STARTED A KIDS & TEEN: KARATE MEMBERSHIP &; TV CLUB: CALLED: KARATE PLAY: IN 1996-2000: SHE IS NOW: STARTING: RECREATION CITY KARATE CLASSES IN TUCSON ARIZONA: WITH GOALS TO OFFER PRIVATE MEMBERSHIP KARATE CLUB CLASSES. 

"MS. ELIYZABETH YANNE STRONG-ANDERSON: ALSO PETITION FOR THE MAYOR SEAT IN TUCSON ARIZONA IN 1998. BECAUSE OF ORGANIZED CRIMES, POLICTICAL RACISM AND CHRISTIAN PERSECUTION AGAINST ELIYZABETH: HOLYSPIRIT EVANGELIST LIFE: IN THE PAST 10 YEARS: GOD HAS DIRECTED MS. ELIYZABETH YANNE STRONG-ANDERSON: TO WRITE THIS BOOK OF REMEMBRANCE, AND THIS BOOK OF REPENTANCE: TO HELP SAVE THE WORLD: THROUGH GOD AND CHRIST JESUS: IF YOU BELEIVE: YOU CAN RECIEVE JOHN 3:3-16. *REMEMBERING: MATTHEW 4:17-26: JESUS SAID: REPENT! THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN IS AT HAND: **COME AND FOLLOW ME: AND I WILL MAKE YOU FISHERS OF MEN!! MY FIRST CHRISTIAN BOOK IS DIRECTED BY GOD: AND THE TRUE CALL TO ETERNAL LIFE SALVATION IS IN IT: GIVEN TO ME FROM: EMMANUEL CHRIST JESUS: > JESUS SAID: JOHN 14:15-16 If ye love me, keep my commandments. 

"VISIT MY NEW YOUTUBE WEBSITE CHANNEL FOR QUESTIONS:
"HTTP://WWW.YOUTUBE.COM/ELIYZABETHSTRONG"

Flashback: Boo!

I originally posted this on April 1, 2009, as my April Fool's prank.  Seeing as "To Kill a Mockingbird" has reached the 50th anniversary of its original release, I thought I'd repost this.

Before you ask, yes, this is intended as a parody of the current state of musical theater, not as a parody of "To Kill a Mockingbird."

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Via Musicals Bay Area:

First-time theatrical producer Charles Hewitt has announced his plans to mount an all-singing, all-dancing adaptation of Harper Lee's novel, "To Kill a Mockingbird," with the tentative title, "Boo!"

Hewitt says, "I was supposed to read the book back in high school, but I just watched the movie instead and still got a C on my book report that way. But from what I remember about seeing the movie when I was 16, I always thought that it would make a great musical. It has everything: human drama, and intense . . . human drama and lovable, cuddly characters and funny stuff and drama and, and, and action and mystery and, really, when you get down to it, when all is said and done, just good old human drama. And with the current trends in musical theater, I figured the time was right. The time was right to sell this as a high-concept kind of 'Tom Sawyer meets Spring Awakening' kind of thing. You know?"

First-time composer Marisela Eisenstein is excited about being attached to the project. Eisenstein, 22, says, "This is, like, mad cool. I've never actually written a song before? But my friend Julie has 'Songsmith' installed on her laptop, she says it's, like, really easy to use, and she'll teach me how to use it. She said I could totally borrow it from her."

The book and the lyrics are being written by Christopher St. Clair, whose most recent play, "I Once Killed a Man Just to Watch Him Die," was a lighthearted comic romp based loosely on "Crime and Punishment." The play was reviewed by several critics.

St. Clair says that he has written several songs already, including "He Done It! He Hit Me!", "Reading to Mrs. Dubose," "Rabid Dog Tango" and the show-stopping eleven o' clock number, "Bob Ewell's Lying Up There Under a Tree with a Knife Stuck Up Under His Ribs."

St. Clair spoke about the challenges of adapting the Pulitzer Prize winning novel. "It's an okay book, I guess. But it really needs some zazzing up. So we're expanding Calpurnia's role so that she's secretly a gospel singing star at night, and we're going to make Atticus more of a lovable goof, a kind of Gomer-Pyle-type character. And regarding Boo Radley, let me just give you this little hint: Think 'Shrek meets Mel Brooks.'

"And, while I don't want to give away any of the major plot points, let's just say I always thought it was kind of a downer that Tom Robinson was found guilty. I mean, it's such a blatant miscarriage of justice, and it just, like, totally brought me down, and that's just not what musicals are for, you know? And rape is such an ugly subject, we might just have to tone that down and make it, like, Tom Robinson borrowed the Ewell's lawn mower and forgot to give it back or something a little more family friendly like that. So we're fixing some little things like that."

Tickets go on sale today, April 1st.

Most Popular... er... I mean "Best" media of the last 25 years

Entertainment Weekly has posted several lists of "New Classics." Notice that while they can come with 100 movies, 100 albums and 100 TV shows, they can only come up with 50 plays (which means both musicals and non-musical dramatic plays). What they do not say is how they arrived at these rankings or whose input was used:

100 New Classics: Movies (best films from 1983 to 2008)
Top five:
1. Pulp Fiction (1994)
2. The Lord of the Rings trilogy (2001-03)
3. Titanic (1997)
4. Blue Velvet (1986)
5. Toy Story (1995)

100 New Classics: TV (best TV shows from 1983 to 2008)
Top five:
1. The Simpsons, Fox, 1989-present
2 The Sopranos, HBO (1999-2007)
3 Seinfeld, NBC (1989-98)
4 The X-Files, Fox (1993-2002)
5 Sex and the City, HBO (1998-2004)

100 New Classics: Music (best albums from 1983 to 2008)
Top five:
1. Purple Rain Prince and the Revolution (1984)
2. The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill Lauryn Hill (1998)
3. Achtung Baby U2 (1991)
4. The College Dropout Kanye West (2004)
5. Madonna Madonna (1983)
[Personal note: I own one of these, and I would dispute its inclusion in the top 100 albums of this time frame. Sorry, Lauryn, I love your voice, but I don't love that album. And while I think "Purple Rain" is a decent enough album, I can't imagine it being the best album of the last 25 years.]

100 New Classics: Books (best books from 1983 to 2008)
Top five:
1. The Road , Cormac McCarthy (2006)
2. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, J.K. Rowling (2000)
3. Beloved, Toni Morrison (1987)
4. The Liars' Club, Mary Karr (1995)
5. American Pastoral, Philip Roth (1997)
[Personal note: Why do they include only "Goblet of Fire" and not the full series (like they did with the "Lord of the Rings" movies)? I like "Beloved," but not that much. I tried reading "The Liars' Club," but it didn't hold my attention. I've never had a lot of patience with Philip Roth's writing. I've never read any Cormac McCarthy, so I can't comment there.]

50 New Classics: Style (Pop culture moments that "rocked the world)
Top five:
1. Madonna at the MTV Video Music Awards (1984)
2. Sarah Jessica Parker in the opening credits of Sex and the City (1998)
3. Michael Jackson in the ''Thriller'' video (1983)
4. Sharon Stone at the Oscars (1996)
5. Kurt Cobain and grunge style (1991)
[No further comment needed.]

50 New Classics: Stage (Best plays and musicals from 1983 to 2008)
Top five:
1. Angels in America (1993-94)
2. Rent (1996)
3. August: Osage County (2007)
4. Doubt (2004)
5. Jersey Boys (2005)
[Personal note: I won't argue with three of these, but I think two of them are way too high on the list. I'm surprised that "Jersey Boys" even made it into the top 50. And "Caroline, or Change" did not make the top 50 list, which says something by itself.]

If you want to see their lists of the 25 most influential gadgets and innovations or the 50 best videogames or the 25 best movie posters or the 25 new classic death scenes, etc., you can go look those up yourself.

Audible.com and David Sedaris

Last night, I went to audible.com to look for David Sedaris's new book, "When You Are Engulfed in Flames."

It wasn't there.

I searched for keyword, "David Sedaris".

Audible returned a long list of episodes of "This American Life," the book that he edited, " Children Playing Before a Statue of Hercules" and several installments of something called "All Stories Are Fiction" by Mike Daisey.

I went into "My Library" and located "Me Talk Pretty One Day" and clicked on the book title.

Audible returned a "This title cannot be found in our database" error.

Apparently, Audible no longer carries David Sedaris's audiobooks. Not even the ones that they sold a couple of years ago.

That's not happy....

At least the book on CD is relatively cheap (e.g., $21 at Amazon, $24 at Barnes & Noble online store). It costs slightly more than the hardback, but there's no real substitute for hearing David Sedaris read his own writing.

[UPDATE: How thoroughly strange. I just clicked on my own link above, and all the older catalog titles were there. Then I went out and came back to that link again, and they were gone again. I guess maybe Audible is doing some maintenance.]

[UPDATE: Well, after doing a little more poking, it seems that the difference is whether you're logged into Audible or not. If you're NOT logged into Audible as a user, you can see Sedaris's books. If you ARE logged in, you do NOT see his books. And, as I said, if I go into my library and find the Sedaris books I've bought in previous years, Audible returns an error message that reads,"That product was not found in our database." However, Audible is the audiobook source for iTunes, and all his books except his newest one seem to be available through iTunes. So go figure...]

[UPDATE Friday 6/6/08: Guess what showed up on Audible.com today as the featured new release? And all the older titles appear to have returned as well. Oh, we of little faith.... (or is that just "Oh, me of little faith"?)]