Gamma Tester - noun, Someone who tests software after the beta tests officially end. Specifically, anyone who purchases software (especially an operating system) between the time of its official "release" date and the time that at least six "bug-fixing" updates have been released. See also "early adopter."
Gymnauseum-- noun, When working out at the health club, the feeling you get that lets you know that you really should have stopped working out about ten minutes ago. [UPDATE 8/31/09: For the second time out of two submissions I've made to Addictionary, and for the second time in one week, my submission to Addictionary has been chosen as "Word of the Day"]
Would it be appropriate to refer to Glenn Beck or Bill O'Reilly or Ann Coulter or Sean Hannity or any one of that group of propagandists as a "proselytute"?
Or does "proselytize" carry too much of a religious connotation?
[UPDATE: No responses from anyone. I just went ahead and added the word to the Addictionary:
"proselytute -noun, Someone who receives pay for presenting political or religious opinions disguised as fact or news
"Usage - The cable news station's pundit made millions working as a proselytute, but his lucrative career was cut short when he was arrested in a proselytution sting."]
The Local Government Association has issued a list of phrases that impede communication more than they help. Some are cliches, some are just bizarre.
Some you expect, such as "thinking outside of the box," "value-added," "quantum," "benchmarking" (another verbed noun), "revenue stream" and "synergy." Personally, I'm pleased to see that they included "tranche" (often spelled "traunche") to mean "portion" or "segment." because accountants suddenly started using this one a few years ago, and it confuses people to this day.
But here are some that I have either not heard often or not heard at all, ever:
"Mainstream" (as an active verb) "Seedbed" (instead of "idea") "Contestability" "Stakeholder management" "Subsidiarity"
And then there are the ones that I can't even figure out what they're supposed to mean:
"Blue sky thinking" "Double devolution" "Improvement levers" "Coterminous" Have you heard any of these last ones? And can you explain what they're supposed to mean?
I am a language pedant, I'll admit it. Not always, but often.
I also know that pedantry is of limited use (at best), and I frequently quote Charles Caleb Colton on pedantry: "Pedantry is the showy display of knowledge which crams our heads with learned lumber and then takes out our brains to make room for it."
In his latest podgram, Stephen Fry takes on pedantry and makes a well-reasoned argument against it. For example, what's the real point of being irritated by signs that read "Ten items or less"? Granted, "Ten items or fewer" is the more correct phrase, but does the incorrect usage prevent you from understanding the writer's intent?
However, there is one noticeable omission in Mr. Fry's argument. He argues that campaigning against the verbing of nouns (e.g., "I've been tasked with actioning four of the agendaed items"). According to Fry, the usage may be new, but that does not make it wrong. Language, he says, evolves over time. Common usage makes such changes correct.
I do not dispute these arguments. However, these arguments do not address the issue that I object to in these usages. What irks me most about the verbing of nouns and other forms of business-speak is not the heresies being committed on the English language. Rather, what irks me is the attitude underlying such changes. Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, these usages are coined by corporate management who do it to prove how creative they are.
They refer to "growing" their businesses because they believe that it imparts the image of their business as a fragile garden that must be tended and cultivated, lest it should wither on the vine.
I have yet to see a corporation to which a garden metaphor is appropriate. Additionally, the terms "growing one's business" is actually quite vague: does one intend to embark on an advertising campaign to bring more customers into an existing location, or does one intend to open new stores, or does one simply intend to hire a lot of new employees in the mistaken belief that ten men can dig a hole ten times as fast as one man can? There is almost always a more descriptive word or phrase that one can use.
They issue memos that the term "brainstorming session" might possibly be offensive to epileptics, so in future, staff should instead use the more sensitive term, "thought showers."
They "task you to do [x]" because it takes more words to say "give you the task of doing [x]," so they're just being efficient.
I would like to point out that I find it easy enough to forgive the "ten items or less" signs precisely because the meaning is still clear, even if the usage is not. However, one of the hallmarks of corporatisms is the fact that they are ultimately more confusing than helpful, and the speaker's intentions would be more clearly communicated if they were to stick to more conventional phrases.
Despite this omission, like all of Mr. Fry's podgrams, this episode is interesting, entertaining and thought-provoking. If you've not been listening to them, go subscribe and catch up.
The Telegraph reports that researchers at Oxford have compiled a list of the Top Ten Irritating Phrases:
"The researchers who compiled the list monitor the use of phrases in a database called the Oxford University Corpus, which comprises books, papers, magazines, broadcast, the internet and other sources. The database alerts them to new words and phrases and can tell them which expressions are disappearing. It also shows how words are being misused.
"As well as the above expressions, the book's author Jeremy Butterfield says that many annoyingly over-used expressions actually began as office lingo, such as 24/7 and 'synergy'. Other phrases to irritate people are 'literally' and 'ironically', when they are used out of context. "
The top ten most irritating phrases: 1 - At the end of the day 2 - Fairly unique 3 - I personally 4 - At this moment in time 5 - With all due respect 6 - Absolutely 7 - It's a nightmare 8 - Shouldn't of 9 - 24/7 10 - It's not rocket science
A few I would add: * Verbed nouns like "access," "dialogue" and "task" (as in "I've been tasked with stopping you from verbing nouns.") * Confusing "further" with "farther" (as in "Drive a couple of miles further.") * "Obligation" is a noun derived from the verb "oblige." "Obligate" is a verb that was somehow derived from the noun "obligation." (Proper usage: "Your doing a favor for me does not mean that I feel obliged to return the favor.") * Saying "hopefully" instead of "I hope" * Saying "thankfully" instead "I am thankful that."
The Welsh on the bottom of this sign translates to:
"I am not in the office at the moment. Please send any work to be translated."
The BBC story reports, "Swansea Council became lost in translation when it was looking to halt heavy goods vehicles using a road near an Asda store in the Morriston area...
"The notice went up and all seemed well - until Welsh speakers began pointing out the embarrassing error.
"Welsh-language magazine Golwg was promptly sent photographs of the offending sign by a number of its readers.
"Managing editor Mr. [Dylan] Iorwerth said: 'We've been running a series of these pictures over the past months.
"'They're circulating among Welsh speakers because, unfortunately, it's all too common that things are not just badly translated, but are put together by people who have no idea about the language.' . . .
"The blunder is not the only time Welsh has been translated incorrectly or put in the wrong place:
"Cyclists between Cardiff and Penarth in 2006 were left confused by a bilingual road sign telling them they had problems with an 'inflamed bladder.'
"In the same year, a sign for pedestrians in Cardiff reading 'Look Right' in English read 'Look Left' in Welsh.
"In 2006, a shared-faith school in Wrexham removed a sign which translated the Welsh for staff as 'wooden stave.'
Have you ever been in the express lane and fumed quietly to yourself that the sign saying "10 items or less" is horribly, horribly wrong and setting a poor example for our kids?
Tesco has.
In fact, Tesco has taken it one step farther. They are taking down all their "10 items or less" signs and replacing them.
What with?
I bet you thought "10 items or fewer."
You were wrong.
The new signs say "Up to 10 items." That's in order to stop people from arguing about whether "less" or "fewer" is correct.
If you've got a few spare moments, go dig on the Plain English Campaign's website. If nothing else, check out their annual awards -- "Foot In Mouth" (baffling comments by public figures), "Golden Bulls" ("year's 'best' examples of gobbledygook"), "Inside Write" (government documents that obfuscate), Media Awards (publications that do not rely on big words and complex constructions), Plain English Awards (best documents of the year that explain their concepts in plain English without resorting to gobbledygook), and the Web award (web sites with plain and proper English)..
Two men who went around the country correcting typos on public signs are now banned from national parks.
Apparently, they are suspected of using correction fluid and a permanent marker to correct a sign that was a "unique and irreplaceable" sign painted by artist Mary Colter.
"An affidavit by National Park Service agent Christopher A. Smith says investigators learned of the vandalism from an Internet site operated by (Jeff Michael) Deck on behalf of the Typo Eradication Advancement League, or TEAL. Smith identified four members, but only Deck and (Benjamin Douglas) Herson faced charges."
Deck recorded the having done the deed in his diary. "After correcting a misplaced apostrophe and comma, Deck reported, he was aghast to discover what he described as a made-up word: 'emense.'
"'I was reluctant to disfigure the sign any further, so we had to let the other typo stand. Still, I think I shall be haunted by that perversity.'"
The Chicago Tribune has a long and interesting article, including this entertaining interchange:
"We started down Milwaukee Avenue.
"Immediately, Herson spotted an offense—a second-floor awning outside a tarot shop that advertised 'Energy Stone's.' They climbed the stairs to the second floor and approached a middle-age woman with a quizzical expression. 'We happened to notice the sign for energy stones,' Deck said, 'and there happens to be an extra apostrophe. "Stone's" doesn't need the apostrophe.'
"'And?' she asked, her voice flat with annoyance.
"'And we wanted to bring it to your attention,' Deck said.
"As they spoke, the woman's daughter stepped into the room and shouted: 'Oh my God! I saw you guys on "Good Morning America." Tell me, tell me—what did we get wrong?" She sounded genuinely thrilled. (Actually, they were on 'The Today Show.') Herson explained the typo on the awning. Deck said he understood that the mistake is out of the way and not easy to fix, but he asked them to promise that they would fix it—soon.
"'Don't know if we can ...' the woman said.
"Deck said they've heard that a lot."
According to NPR, "Deck even found a misspelling on his doctor's business cards — which read "referal" instead of "referral." He mentioned it to the clerk, saying, "There's no way this is going to get fixed, is there?" And indeed, there was not."
The TEAL website currently only displays a message, "Statement on the signage of our National Parks and public lands to come" (which is, ironically, a sentence fragment with no period at its end). Tsk, tsk, tsk.
The top honors went to Garrison Spik (pronounced "Speak"):
Theirs was a New York love, a checkered taxi ride burning rubber, and like the city their passion was open 24/7, steam rising from their bodies like slick streets exhaling warm, moist, white breath through manhole covers stamped "Forged by DeLaney Bros., Piscataway, N.J."
Michael L. VanBlaricum of Santa Barbara, CA got runner-up in the "Vile Puns" category:
The Jones family held their annual family reunion on Easter going through over six dozen spiral-cut, hickory-smoked hams and several bottles of a fine Australian shiraz, before Farmer Jones, the head of the family, took the leavings back to Manor Farm to slop Napoleon and his other champion hogs but the seventy-six ham bones fed the pig's tirade.
A criminology lecturer at Bucks New University recommends that common spelling errors like "truely," "arguement" and "wierd" should be accepted as "spelling variants."
According to an article at BBC News, Ken Smith says that he has been correcting the same errors over and over again for so many years that he feels that the most common misspellings should just be accepted. "Twelth" should be an acceptable variant of "twelfth." Words that break the "i before e" rule should be made to conform to the rule.
"'The spelling of the word "judgement", for example, is now widely accepted as a variant of "judgment", so why can't "truely" be accepted as a variant spelling of "truly"?' . . . 'All I am suggesting is that we might well put 20 or so of the most commonly misspelt words in the English language on the same footing as those other words that have a widely accepted variant spelling'"
The BBC site has a fun article about the most awful management-speak phrases (from reader submissions). (It is accompanied by a pdf "Boss-Speak Bingo" card (pictured, right). There is also a related and fun column by Lucy Kellaway.)
The list begins with:
#1: "When I worked for Verizon, I found the phrase going forward to be more sinister than annoying. When used by my boss - sorry, "team leader" - it was understood to mean that the topic of conversation was at an end and not be discussed again." Nima Nassefat, Vancouver, Canada
#2 - "My employers (top half of FTSE 100) recently informed staff that we are no longer allowed to use the phrase brain storm because it might have negative connotations associated with fits. We must now take idea showers. I think that says it all really." Anonymous, England
Read the whole article. It's worth it.
They didn't include my particular personal pet peeves, which are probably too old for anyone to care anymore:
1. Turning nouns into verbs. The BBC article includes "actioning" on their list, and I'm afraid that I'll probably be hearing more of that one in the near future. But they don't include the use of the noun, "task," as a verb. As in, "I've been tasked with dialoguing with you to directive you to stop verbing nouns going forward at this moment in time[1]."
2. "Grow" as an active verb. As in "By advertising strategically, we can grow our business." No, you can increase your business, you can expand your business, you can improve your business, but you cannot grow your business. Unless your business is a vegetable, facial hair, an African violet or mildew. Call me old-fashioned, but seeing/hearing this bad habit in others grows disgust and irritation in me.
The Huffington Post has this article today about William McGonagall's poems being auctioned in Edinburgh.
So here are some more resources regarding McGonagall and other poets of his caliber:
The Bad Poetry Index - Several poems by McGonagall, as well as others including the Duchess of Newcastle who penned this unforgiveable -- er -- unforgettable poem, "What is Liquid?" "All that doth flow we cannot liquid name Or else would fire and water be the same; But that is liquid which is moist and wet Fire that property can never get. Then 'tis not cold that doth the fire put out But 'tis the wet that makes it die, no doubt."
McGonagall Online - Not only a great resource for info about McGonagall, also a great page of related links. Also a creative "About" page written in the style McGonagall's poetry. Here's the first verse:
"'Twas in the month of January in the year 2001, When work upon this website was in earnest begun. To spread the fame of poems like the Tay Bridge or El Teb For the enjoyment of the surfers who make use of the world wide web."
Worst Verse - Categories include "Bad Teen Poetry," "Bad Granny Poetry" and "Bad Weird Poetry."
Poetry.com - This is not a site devoted to bad poetry, rather to poetry in general. Which means if you do a little digging, you can easily find a fair amount of really bad poetry. Including this little gem by M.N. Knox of West Virginia. You can't knock the underlying sentiment, but you can knock the technique. The rhyme scheme can't settle in one place, nor can the meter:
The Child
The child was beautiful. The child was sweet.
The child was handicapped And that wasn't neat.
He was kind. He was gentle.
But after years of being laughed at would he earn a letter.
He could learn just the same as others. He just needed extra help from a brother.
The child was normal, just delayed. Or at least that [sic] what some people say.
Some called him handicapped in so many ways. But he scored higher in science that [sic] most students anyway.
Could he be handicapped or a genius of today? Could he be a young Einstein on his way?
1. (in ancient Greek and Roman drama) a god introduced into a play to resolve the entanglements of the plot.
2. any artificial or improbable device resolving the difficulties of a plot.
[Origin: 1690–1700; NL lit., god from a machine (i.e., stage machinery from which a deity's statue was lowered), as trans. of Gkapò méchanês theós (Demosthenes), theòs ek méchanês (Menander), etc.]
"Here's a little mental virus for you: "For reasons that are obscure to me, but not unimaginable, some of my friends call it 'Duck Machine' instead of 'Deus ex Machina'. Among these friends we call it Harry Potter and the Duck Machine, a delightful image. We used to laugh that Star Trek endings so often employed the Duck Machine, that we imagined this ending written into the script for Star Trek episodes:
"Engineer: Duck Machine armed and ready, sir. "Captian [sic]: Fire duck machine! "{Quack} "Roll credits "
Gymnauseum -- noun, When working out at the health club, the feeling you get that lets you know that you really should have stopped working out about ten minutes ago.
Srsly.
From BBC News:
I am a language pedant, I'll admit it. Not always, but often.
Via Joe.My.God.:
From the BBC, via Boing Boing:
Have you ever been in the express lane and fumed quietly to yourself that the sign saying "10 items or less" is horribly, horribly wrong and setting a poor example for our kids?
The Chicago Tribune has a long and interesting article, including this entertaining interchange:
This year's Bulwer-Lytton contest winners have been announced.
Found via HuffingtonPost:
The Huffington Post has this article today about William McGonagall's poems being auctioned in Edinburgh.
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