Thanks, Uro Club!

Uro Club

Introducing the Uro Club. It makes a great gift for the golfer who has everything except a Stadium Pal (made infamous by David Sedaris).

My favorite thing about the Stadium Pal website is the question, "What if you want to buy the Stadium Pal as a gift?" (because there's just no discreet way to get the gift recipient to use the sizing guide to ensure a proper fit -- it conjures up a lovely image of someone waking up in the middle of the night to find his SO fumbling under the sheets. "What are you doing down there, honey?" "Oh, I'm just measuring you for a special gift. I wanted it to be a surprise.").

Well, that and the testimonials from happy Stadium Pal customers (e.g., "Had two friends fishing with me yesterday and they just couldn't understand how I could go so long without relieving myself. Little did they know that while they were standing on the swim platform, hoping not to fall in the water, I was simply smiling and letting nature take her course. My new pal works like a dream and its nice not having to fumble with ice cold fingers and going the traditional way.").

Parody Audiophile Toys

Via Boing Boing:

A few months ago, I posted links to a couple of incredibly (and pointlessly) expensive audiophile accessories -- the $4,700 audio cable and the $150 block of wood.

Finally, someone has assembled some really funny and convincing ads for some parody audiophile accessories.

It's hard to pick a favorite -- the rock with a tube in it (pictured), the clump of clothes pins (or "PinneaEZ"), or the "Knutballz" (rubber balls with nuts attached to them).

Collect 'em all!

Sex Toy Gimmick

Via Boing Boing Gadgets:

The maker claims that it was designed by a NASA engineer.

To me, this sounds more like something invented by an MBA.

Coming soon (no pun intended): a USB sex toy that requires so much power than you also have to plug it into the wall. It's called "RealTouch." (WARNING: The manufacturer's website is completely and utterly NOT safe for work.)

The USB connection really is for data transfer, not for power.

The device has a pair of latex belts (they kind of look like belt sanders, but I believe the surface is possibly a little more pliable than that), a lube reservoir and a heating unit.

But this doesn't stop there! You log into their website and register your module. Then you watch one of their porn clips from their "Video On Demand Theater" that is encoded with instructions for the module, so that (in theory) the device simulates the activities on the screen, so you get sucked into the action (pun intended this time).

Here's a quote from one of their site's information videos: "Every RealTouch device is engineered with advanced Haptic Technology. Haptics provide sensory feedback to your gaming experience."

"Gaming experience."

Yes, I see.

They're calling it "virtual sex."

I'm calling it "a revenue stream."

This sounds like the BodyBugg business model -- sell a device for $150-$300, but make it virtually useless unless the buyer logs into your web site, subscribes to a service and continues to pay over and over and over. And if you give them a credit card, they can continue to charge you for years after the novelty wears off and you stop using it.

Spray-on condoms

According to an article in Time Magazine, it turns out that there are a few problems with the spray-on condom.

First, there's the delivery system. "The prototype ... consists of a hard plastic tube with nozzles that spray liquid latex from all directions, much like the water jets in the tunnel of a car wash. ... Some (of the men testing the product) were 'a little bit afraid to use the tube' and would only try it on their fingers."

Second, there's the noise: "Others worried that the mechanism, which hisses as it sprays, might ruin the mood."

But the biggest problem of all is the waiting time. "Liquid latex currently takes two to three minutes to vulcanize, making it impractical. 'For people to buy it,' (inventor Jan Vinzenz) Krause says, 'it needs to be ready in five to 10 seconds.'"

In the meantime, manufacturers of traditional condoms have expanded the number of sizes available. But again, there's one problem: "men aren't very eager to buy a small size."

See? I did the whole posting without succumbing to the temptation to point out the "Hard Sell" pun in the article's headline.

Goatee Saver

Seen on both Gizmodo and Boing Boing.

I guess it's not necessary to describe what it's for.

It's for doing imitations of Hannibal Lecter.

Or for shaping your goatee.

One or the other.

I forget.

At least it only costs $20.