Sing along, everyone!

MS Songsmith's chart-topping songs

Microsoft Songsmith is fed data from various stock charts (as well as a few other statistics) and turns them into melodies.

Hey, at least he gave composition credit to Lehman Brothers, Bank of America, etc.

(I found this on Gizmodo.)

Cinematic Titanic Live

Cinematic Titanic is coming to San Francisco's Marines Memorial Theatre on Friday and Saturday, February 13 and 14.

Their website says to use the code "MST3K," but that is of no use at this point. The code provides no discount on the price of the tickets. It was a presale code that is now meaningless, since the tickets are currently available to the general public.

Check here for other cities and dates, and for links to the places where you can buy tickets for all shows.

Entertaining or disturbing?

Liverpool Station

What's disturbing about it to me is that in the end it turns out to be a long T-Mobile commercial.

On the other hand, that explains how they managed to get so many people to do it.

And, of course, they've made a big deal out of it with a rehearsal video, a "making of the video" video and "how to do the dance" videos (parts one and two).

Le Ballon

Le ballon
by ddbparis

I just wanted to give you a short cartoon for your morning enjoyment. This version is much sharper and clearer than the version posted on YouTube.

From what I can gather, TiJi is kind of a French equivalent of "Nickelodeon."

Because one Michael Jackson jukebox musical is just not enough....

Maybe "Michael Jackson Musical reaction" videos can take the place of "Two Girls, One Cup reaction" videos on YouTube. If you know anyone who's been complaining about Broadway musicals based on movies (such as "Young Frankenstein," "Crybaby," and "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels"), get a video camera and record their reaction to being told that there will now be a musical based on a music video.

According to the Los Angeles Times, the Nederlander Organization has purchased the rights to make a Michael Jackson jukebox musical.

This musical is an entirely different creature than the West End jukebox musical that opened recently. That one is just called "Thriller: Live." This new one will actually be based on the music video for the song, "Thriller." And, unlike the London show, this one will actually be authorized by Michael Jackson.

I wonder if the musical will also be required to bear the music video's disclaimer: "Due to my strong personal convictions, I wish to stress that this film in no way endorses a belief in the occult. -- Michael Jackson".

'Denial" is not just a river in Egypt.

see more pwn and owned pictures

End of the World

Matt Alber - End of the World

I saw this video on Facebook last week, then just now found that Matt Alber's label posted the video to YouTube only this afternoon. So I suppose it's a newer video than I originally guessed.

Matt Alber is a former member of Chanticleer. He released his first solo album, "Hide Nothing," last year. His bio on his website says, "Jeff Crerie is an audio space cowboy with an intuition and musicianship unmatched. His studio, Utmosis (utmosis.net) is perched on a San Francisco hilltop overooking the Castro. After sitting side-by-side mixing and recording these songs (and savoring some of Jeff’s famous pancakes) I would walk home in the drizzling rain listening to what we’d just created out of thin air.

"I feel like I'm just scratching the surface with songwriting. I don’t have hundreds of songs. I don’t even have 25 songs. These are my first cracks. Maybe I’ll write some more."

His voice reminds me of Rufus Wainwright's (not a bad thing). And you don't see two men kissing each other in music videos very often.

One picture is worth ... 1,000 more pictures....

From VentureBeat (via Gizmodo) comes this stunning photo of hundreds of people simultaneously photographing the Obamas at the Youth Ball last night.

Interestingly, VentureBeat makes no comment on the sea of cameras. Their article is about how people used the Internet to "experience" this year's Inauguration.

LGBA

LGBA - 2009 Inaugural Parade

I figured it wouldn't take long for this to show up on YouTube....

Where the Halo Is Matt?

Watch more videos of TF2

The video that dares to answer the burning question, "What if, in addition to countries all over the world, 'Where the Hell Is Matt" could have visited video games?"

Product du jour

Cheers to you!

Via FailBlog.

I would hate to work for the complaints department for this product. Talking to someone for whom this product didn't work cannot possibly be a bed of roses.

Inauguration prank

Via SFist:

Over this past weekend, Alex Zecca put stickers on street signs down Bush Street "from Presidio to Grant" that renamed Bush Street to "Obama" Street.

The police made him go back and take them all down.

Gizmodo made a funny...

From Gizmodo:

Headline: "Why we have cameras"

Caption: "Because sometimes Aretha Franklin wears a hat to the inauguration that words simply cannot describe."

Low key inauguration day

(Picture via Huffington Post)

I was kind of surprised on my way to work that everything (and everyone) was pretty low key.

I stayed at home long enough to hear President Obama (I do like being able to type that) give his inauguration speech, then I left for work. I made a point to walk down 18th so I could walk up Castro on my way to work, expecting to encounter some signs of celebration, even if only small and localized. But it was quiet. Relatively few cars on the streets for 9:30 a.m., many empty parking spaces on Castro Street. Through the open window of one bar, I saw several people (including an elderly black man in uniform) with their eyes glued to a television, but otherwise, everyone seemed to be going about their daily routine.

I took the F-Market to work, and it was pretty much the same story all the way up Market Street. I saw an occasional person wearing an Obama shirt, but no outward displays of jubilation.

The only thing of note (totally unrelated to the inauguration) was a homeless man on the F who seemed to be entertaining himself, which seemed kind of fitting after the events of my commute home last night. At first, this 300-plus pound man was flopping his limp-wristed hands around and talking to no one in particular, I couldn't even understand what he was saying. Then he turned around and stared purposefully toward the rear of the car. He turned his head and scanned everyone on the F and said, "ARF! ARF, everyone, ARF!"

Then he stood up and grabbed his Hefty bag full of possessions and stopped beside the young woman seated in front of where he had been sitting, leaned down into her face and snapped, "ARF!" He stopped at every seat between him and the front door and said "ARF!" into each and every face on the right side of the car, most of whom were children under the age of 12. Once he got off the streetcar, everyone who had been holding their breath exhaled and started laughing.

Anyway, the long national nightmare is ended. We have a new president. Finally.

I know a lot of people who have been so burned so badly and so often over the last eight years that they are afraid to have genuine hope for anything. They're convinced that something or someone will come along to take their hope away from them yet again, either by violence or by politcal maneuvering by the extreme right or political blunders by the extreme left. And I have to admit that maybe they're justified to some degree, given our country's recent history.

But I think that they secretly hope for hope.

On a related note (no pun intended): The Freedom Band has a tradition. When politics permit, the band keeps "Happy Days Are Here Again" as an active number in the marching music. You can imagine that the band has had this song in storage since the year 2000, not playing it at all for the last eight years. I have been wondering whether it was the right time to bring it back out, given the mixed blessing of the election of Obama versus the passage of Proposition 8. But I have been informed that the band is officially adding "Happy Days Are Here Again" back to its standard repertoire.

For what that's worth.

Samaritans?

I cannot yet draw any conclusions from or glean any moral to this story, so I'll just tell what happened and let you draw your own conclusions. This is kind of long, but bear with me. If nothing else, see if you can find the hidden good Samaritans in these events.

I left class at 9:30 at Grant and Market and walked toward the Montgomery BART/MUNI station. At the corner of Montgomery and Market, a few feet away from the entrance to the station, someone was lying on the sidewalk -- I couldn't see well enough to identify the person's gender. There was a shopping bag on the ground, with a few items scattered nearby, and someone was helping the person to stand.

My quick assessment was that it was someone helping a drunk friend who had tripped and fallen. But he was having difficulty helping the fallen person get up. A third man, a tall, slender black man, came over to help. They were having difficulty helping him up (by now I could see that it was an elderly Chinese man), and he was having trouble standing upright. The young black man (named Nate, I found out) started gathering the old man's items up off the sidewalk, including one trainer that had come off. I asked if they had everything handled, and they both shrugged and made faces. Nate said, "I don't know, I just got here."

The Chinese man was about five foot six with a crew cut, and a very large bleeding lump coming up on his forehead. He had blood in both his eyes. I asked him, "Do you need help?"

He said, "You know why I fell down? I've been walking around for two hours looking for my car. Someone stole my car! And I lost control and fell down."

He was standing upright now, and I could see him better. Both his forearms were swollen, but that looked like something that was a problem before he fell. He clung to the shopping bag as if he was afraid that someone would try to take it from him.

"Do you know how much BART charges for senior citizens' fare?"

Nate and the other man shook their heads no, and I said I didn't have any idea.

"My wallet was in my car, and I don't have any money to take BART home."

"Do you want me to call for help?" I asked, "Do you want me to call an ambulance?"

"No," he said adamantly, "no ambulance."

"Do you want me to call the police?"

"Yes. I would like the police, but no ambulance."

Not knowing any station numbers, I had no choice but to dial 911.

"I have a man here who fell down and has a very big bump on his forehead. He says he does not want an ambulance, but he wants the police. He says his car was stolen."

"He doesn't want an ambulance?"

"No, he said that he does not want an ambulance, just police. He's hurt and bleeding, but he doesn't want an ambulance."

"Is the blood spurting?"

"No, but he's got a knot the size of a golf ball, and blood is trickling down his face, and he has blood in both his eyes."

"And he just wants the police, and not an ambulance?"

"No ambulance, just police."

He heard this and started nodding approvingly.

"Where are you?"

"Montgomery and Post."

"Montgomery and Post?"

"Montgomery and Market."

Nate interjected, "Tell 'em we're outside the Citibank building."

"We're outside the Citibank building, just at the entrance to MUNI."

"Which side of the street are you on? What building are you in front of?"

"We're outside the Citibank building."

"And what is your name?"

"Billy Green."

He interjected, "My name's Elmer. Like Elmer Fudd."

"Your name again?" she asked.

"Billy B-I-L-L-Y Green."

"And your phone number?"

I told her. She asked me to repeat it for confirmation, and I did so.

"Is he Asian?'

"Yes, he's Asian."

I guess she didn't hear me well, because she asked, "Is he white? Is he black, latino, Asian?"

"He's Asian."

"Okay. How old is he?"

"How old are you?"

Elmer said, "Seventy-...six. Seventy-eight. Somewhere in there."

"He says he's seventy-six or seventy-eight."

"I was born in 1932."

"He was born in 1932."

"How tall is he?"

"About five foot six, he's wearing a black vest, blue short-sleeved shirt, white pants, trainers."

"A black vest?"

"A black vest, blue short-sleeved shirt, white pants, trainers, holding an orange shopping bag. I'll wait with him until someone gets here."

"Okay. I'll send out a patrol car, they should be there in a few minutes."

I hung up and told them that someone was coming. The first man, seeing no sense in hanging around any further, walked off, but Nate decided to wait as well. Elmer picked up his shopping bag and started down the sidewalk.

Nate called out, "Hey, they're coming. You don't need to go anywhere."

Elmer called back, "I'm just going over here where they can see me better." He stopped beside the JC Decaux lighted advertising kiosk, clinging to the shopping bag, looking up and down the street for the approaching police car and sighed, "They're never there when you want them." I looked up and down the street, half expecting an ambulance, since 911 calls are (or were at one time) required to send at minimum one police car, one fire truck and one ambulance in response to every call.

Long, awkward pause.

"How do you feel?" I asked.

"It hurts," he said, matter-of-factly.

"I bet it does. Your eyes are really, really red, and that knot looks very nasty. And your hands are swollen."

Nate leaned over and whispered, "Gout."

Elmer held up his left hand for me to look at. It had dozens of little cracks and scrapes on his swollen palm and fingers, all bleeding.

"That happened when I fell down. It hurts."

"It looks like it would hurt. Did you trip because your shoe fell off?"

"No, it came off when I fell. You know why it came off? I tie them loose so I can put my shoes on and off without tying them. Wastes too much time."

He put his shopping bag between his feet, and took a long time to stand back up -- partly because he was having trouble balancing, partly because he was afraid the bag would fall over, even though it was braced between his feet.

"I need BART fare. Do you know how much senior citizen BART fare is?"

"You don't need to worry about that. The police will take care of you."

"Somebody stole my car!"

"Did you see them steal your car?" asked Nate.

"No."

"Well, it might just have been towed if you were parked in the wrong place, you know."

"But it's a holiday."

"Yes," sighed Nate. "It's a holiday."

I noticed Barack and Michelle Obama's faces peeking out from under Nate's coat.

"What's the shirt say?'

Nate opened his coat to show the shirt. It was a large airbrushed black and white portrait of the Obama family with "We are family" printed over the picture, and "OBAMA" spelled out in large block letters made of the American flag outlined in gold foil.

Elmer said, "Man, that's a nice one. How much did you pay for it?"

"Ten dollars."

"That's nice."

"Yep, that's really cool," I added.

Elmer pointed at it, smiled and said, "That's history. I should call home and tell them where I am."

"Do you want to use my phone?" I asked.

"Yes. 6-5-0..."

"Hold on, slow down.." I opened my phone and dialed the number as Elmer dictated it to me. Once I heard ringing, I handed him the phone.

"Mommy? ... Oh.... Let me talk to... Somebody stole my car.... I can't. It was in the car.... I'm at Montgomery and Market outside the Citibank building.... Okay." He hung up the phone and handed it back to me. "Oh, I didn't say good-bye. My wife is coming to get me, we don't need the police anymore."

"Too late. Don't you hear the sirens? They're almost here."

As I expected, a fire truck came pulling up. Nate was running around waving his arms to get their attention and pointing toward where Elmer was standing. "Here! He's over here!" I could see an ambulance approaching from down Market.

The fire truck pulled up, and an ambulance followed a few seconds later. Four firemen got out and started toward us. The oldest fireman, the one with tattoos covering both his forearms, walked over to talk to Nate and started chatting with him off to the side while the driver made a bee-line for me and Elmer. "What's going on here?"

"He fell down."

Elmer immediately started in, "I just wanted the police."

"You just want the police? Then why'd you call us?"

I interrupted, "I dialed 911, but I told them he only wanted police and not an ambulance."

The driver pointed to his bleeding forehead. "Is this new?'

I said, "Yes. It was fresh and bleeding when we picked him up. It just happened."

"Why did you fall down?"

"I lost my balance. I fell down."

"But you don't want an ambulance. Why do you want the police for your head?"

Elmer protested, "I don't. I want the police because my car was stolen."

"When was it stolen?"

"This afternoon."

"And you're just calling the police about your stolen car now, but you don't want help with this? We're outta here."

The firemen all piled back into the fire truck. As the truck pulled away, the EMTs stepped forward.

"Do you need help?"

"No, I just want the police," Elmer insisted.

The EMT said, "Well, while we're here, can we look at that bump on your head? Can we clean that and dress it for you?"

Elmer shrugged and said, "Okay."

The EMT put his arm around Elmer's shoulder and said, "Come on in the back of the ambulance, and we'll take care of you." He looked over his shoulder and said, "Thanks, guys. You don't need to stick around anymore. We've got it."

Nate and I walked up the sidewalk together. Nate said, "That fireman told me that they encountered this guy yesterday."

"Okay. Well, we did what we could. You take care."

"You, too." Nate shook my hand and ducked into the 7-11.

I went into the MUNI station and lucked out by being able to step directly onto a J-Church. I finally remembered to put my iPod headphones back on and turned it back on.

At Powell Street station, a skinny, scruffy man in his 30s started walking up the aisle asking every person on the car, "Fifty cents for BART fare? Do you have fifty cents I can have for BART fare?" He was slurring his words.

I looked at him and said, "Sorry, I got nothing," and he turned to ask the next person.

Just before entering Van Ness station, the train stopped. And stayed. And stayed.

He apparently reached the end of the car without anyone helping him out with fifty cents for BART fare. I couldn't see him, but I could hear him quite clearly, even over my iPod.

"Not a single fucking person on this fucking train can help me out with fifty fucking cents for fucking BART fare?!?! I dying of fucking cancer, dying of fucking AIDS, and no one's going to give me fifty fucking cents?! What is WRONG with you fucking people?!"

After a couple of minutes of this, the woman in blue scrubs sitting across from me pulled the stop request cord in order to get the driver's attenttion (assuming, I guess, that the driver couldn't hear this top-of-the-lungs rant going on the car). Luckily, at the same moment, the car pulled into Van Ness station.

All the thoughts running through my mind were along the lines of "Dude, how can I possibly refuse when you ask so nicely! And besides, if you haven't noticed, if you really want BART, you've fucking stayed on the fucking train too fucking long! BART doesn't fucking connect to fucking Van Ness. I just either helped create an ambulance bill for an uninsured man or abetted an EMS time waster. Maybe both. I do not need this right now."

Of course, this was all in my head. I have much more sense than to try to reason with anyone addressing an entire MUNI car at the top of his lungs.

I hoped that he would get out at Van Ness and toyed with the idea of getting out myself if he didn't. But he seemed to have quietened down a good deal. I could still hear him talking at the back of the car now, but he wasn't shouting anymore, and he seemed to have stopped moving up and down the aisle. I pulled one earbud out of my ear to see what I could hear, and I heard, "Why won't anyone help me?" and put the earbud back in.

As the train pulled out to the surface, I turned in my seat and saw at the rear of the car that some young man was sitting in the rear seats with him and chatting with him. They both stood up, and the young man walked the length of the car and back again -- I guessed that he had gone to ask the driver for a transfer for his new-found friend.

I have no idea how he did it, but that young man calmed him down and helped him find some kind of resolution to at least one of his problems.

For that, I salute him. But at this minute, I have a headache and need to take some aspirin and go to bed.

My nominees for the real Samaritans in this story: The EMT who convinced Elmer to get his head wound dressed, and the young man who calmed down the screaming homeless person.

Wedding (Cake) Crashers

Verdi Wedding Cake

Via Cake Wrecks:

Nice food-related stop-motion animation.

Michael Jackson: The Musical

I am not making this up.

"Thriller Live" opened on January 2 at the Lyric Theatre in London.

Apparently, it's the jukeboxiest of all jukebox musicals. The Wall Street Journal review by John Jurgenson says, "With a string of more than 30 song-and-dance numbers ranging from 'Ben' to 'Bad,' they're mounting what's essentially a two-hour tribute concert, billed as a 'musical celebration' on the posters plastered around London. There's no plot or dialogue -- just music."

The article also says that neither Michael Jackson nor his family is not directly involved in the production, except as the recipient of royalties from the public performances of his songs.

"Four boys have been cast to perform young Michael's material and will rotate through the performance schedule. They include 14-year-old Layton Williams, who recently shared the lead role in the London version of 'Billy Elliot.' The boys represent one of the show's biggest hooks -- cooing 'aaws' from the crowd greeted 14-year-old Ashton Russell each time he appeared on stage last week -- as well as a potential weakness. 'Unfortunately they quickly grow up,' [producer Paul] Walden says. 'Once their voices break they can't sing the songs.'"

California Academy of Sciences

We went to the California Academy of Sciences this afternoon for the first time since they reopened in September.

I forgot that this was Martin Luther King Day weekend. Apparently, that means a lot to parents with kids who have a three-day weekend. People literally came from all over the state to go here this weekend. The man in line in front of us was from Irvine, and the woman behind us drove from Sacramento.

The practical upshot is that we waited in line for forty-five minutes before we got into the building.

Another thing I learned. When the AoS website stops selling tickets, it does NOT mean that they are sold out. People were walking up to ticket vending machines and buying tickets and getting in line. So showing up without tickets in hand does not stop one from getting in the door.

The other upshot of the holiday weekend is that two of the biggest attractions at the AoS (the Planetarium and the Rainforest exhibit), the two that require separate tickets, were both sold out. For clarity -- they don't charge separate admission, but because seating is limited, they have to issue tickets to stop people from fighting over who gets in to see them.

The Steinhart Aquarium, on the other hand, was open and available. Very busy, but acheivable.

Would I recommend that people go to the AoS? Yes. Would I recommend that they go on a holiday weekend? Hell, no. Would I recommend that they go on a weekend at all? Probably not.

As always, click on photos to enlarge.

Perverse

Anyone know a good source for scarlet letters that I can sew to my clothes?

Chapter IV, in which I become a threat to Christianity

An accountant, standing in front of an office supply store (Patrick & Co.), smiling and waving.

Yep, that image sure would make me quake in my boots.

Ordinarily, I would expect that a Christian anti-defamation commission who wished to instill fear in their followers would choose a picture of a drag queen in stiletto heels, fishnet stockings and full leather regalia, brandishing a whip over an ecstatic semi-nude figure wearing a George W. Bush mask. But, no, apparently an accountant in sunglasses will frighten people just as well.

Long story short, the Christian Anti-Defamation Commission has used this photo of me as one of the illustrations for their article, "Inaugural Warning: P for Perverse":

"To ensure no one misses the perversion, the Inaugural parade will include a homosexual marching band with their rainbow flags flying proud with millions of our nation’s children and Christians watching. This is the same band that proudly advertises that it will march in the homosexual Southern Decadence parade, known for its vulgarity and lewd acts in public. In 2003, the Atlanta Journal Constitution reported that it had 'become routine' for men to flash their genitals and perform public sex acts at the event, which bills itself as ‘the Gay Mardis Gras.’ Have fun explaining that to the little ones.

"Celebrating a person’s sin sends a message of approval.

"In order to be consistent in using this kind of reasoning, Obama ought to have a stripper lead off the inaugural parade followed by the Hell’s Angel’s Motorcycle Drill Team followed by the Crips Precision Handgun Corp. and the Transvestite Fashion Police. Just because something exists in society does not mean it is good and is to be paraded in front of everyone, especially children."

We had this...

Creepy Crawlers

Plus there was the ingestible version of the goop, under the name "Incredible Edibles."

This might have been one of the most dangerous toys ever -- the Thing Maker and the molds got incredibly hot, and it had no shield of any kind. There are probably a lot of people my age who have burn scars from playing with this one.

New Wallace & Gromit

The new short, "A Matter of Loaf and Death," premiered in Australia on December 3rd, then aired in France on Christmas Eve and then aired in Britain on Christmas Day.

Wikipedia has a detailed entry -- too detailed to look at if you don't like spoilers.

Amazon.co.uk shows it as being released in the UK (Region 2) on March 9, 2009.

Amazon.com shows it as "Sign up to be notified when this item becomes available."

And while I'm talking about new animation releases, the fourth new Futurama feature, "Into the Wild Green Yonder," will be released on DVD and Blu-Ray on February 24.

Parody Audiophile Toys

Via Boing Boing:

A few months ago, I posted links to a couple of incredibly (and pointlessly) expensive audiophile accessories -- the $4,700 audio cable and the $150 block of wood.

Finally, someone has assembled some really funny and convincing ads for some parody audiophile accessories.

It's hard to pick a favorite -- the rock with a tube in it (pictured), the clump of clothes pins (or "PinneaEZ"), or the "Knutballz" (rubber balls with nuts attached to them).

Collect 'em all!

Star Wars retold by someone who hasn't seen it

Star Wars: Retold (by someone who hasn't seen it) from Joe Nicolosi on Vimeo.

Via Boing Boing.

Yep. It's exactly what the title says. A Star Wars fan has a friend who has only ever caught snippets of the original trilogy on cable, and he asks her to piece together the plot based on what she remembers of those snippets.

Very cool, very creative short film.

Obamicons

From Paste Magazine (pointed out by a Facebook friend).

"Make your own 'Obamicon' — your image in a style inspired by Shepard Fairey's iconic poster. Regardless of your candidate of choice in the 2008 election, here's your chance to sound-off.

"Take your picture with a webcam or upload a photo, choose your own message, and submit to the gallery."

The site requires that you sign up in order to save images. But it's free, and they say they won't sell your e-mail address to anyone.

Lloyd Webber Video Games

The source for this story seems to be PaidContent -- all other versions of the story seem to point back to PaidContent as their source.

It's not enough that Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber has announced that in November 2009, London will see the opening of "Love Never Dies," a sequel to "Phantom of the Opera."

In addition, Sir Andrew and his company, Really Useful Group, are trying to develop video games based on several of his musicals. Reports are that Really Useful has approached several game developers about releasing a series of Lloyd-Webber-musical-based games in the next few years.

According to PaidContent, "The shows, which also include 'Joseph [and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat]' and 'Cats,' may seem like strange fodder for games, but the group says two industry shifts have prompted its interest: the emergence of more female gamers in the traditionally male-dominated game consumer demographic, and the popularity of singing- and music-based titles like PlayStation’s Singstar and Xbox’s Lips. Guitar Hero maker Harmonix’s forthcoming Beatles performance game also shows how music brands can be translated into play.

"The first Lloyd-Webber titles will let players sing along as characters in the composer’s shows and could involve elements of 'audition,' just like in his BBC shows 'I’d Do Anything' and 'How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?' and last year’s Lloyd-Webber-themed episode of 'American Idol.'"

You have to admit, the idea invites parody:

Top Ten Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber Video Game Titles:

10. Lego Sunset Boulevard
9. Mortal Opera
8. Grand Theft Superstar
7. World of Warcats
6. Tony Hawk's Bombay Dreams Jam
5. Metal Dreamcoat Solid
4. The Sound of Wii Music
3. Song Song and Dance Dance Revolution
2. The Legend of Evita: The Argentinian Princess
1. Jesus Christ, Guitar Hero

Sex Toy Gimmick

Via Boing Boing Gadgets:

The maker claims that it was designed by a NASA engineer.

To me, this sounds more like something invented by an MBA.

Coming soon (no pun intended): a USB sex toy that requires so much power than you also have to plug it into the wall. It's called "RealTouch." (WARNING: The manufacturer's website is completely and utterly NOT safe for work.)

The USB connection really is for data transfer, not for power.

The device has a pair of latex belts (they kind of look like belt sanders, but I believe the surface is possibly a little more pliable than that), a lube reservoir and a heating unit.

But this doesn't stop there! You log into their website and register your module. Then you watch one of their porn clips from their "Video On Demand Theater" that is encoded with instructions for the module, so that (in theory) the device simulates the activities on the screen, so you get sucked into the action (pun intended this time).

Here's a quote from one of their site's information videos: "Every RealTouch device is engineered with advanced Haptic Technology. Haptics provide sensory feedback to your gaming experience."

"Gaming experience."

Yes, I see.

They're calling it "virtual sex."

I'm calling it "a revenue stream."

This sounds like the BodyBugg business model -- sell a device for $150-$300, but make it virtually useless unless the buyer logs into your web site, subscribes to a service and continues to pay over and over and over. And if you give them a credit card, they can continue to charge you for years after the novelty wears off and you stop using it.

A little problem....

There are so many things wrong in this story...

According to The Monterey Herald, Marcelino de Jesus Martinez of Greenfield, CA, arranged a marriage between his daughter and a young man. In exchange for the arranged marriage, the young man, Margarito de Jesus Galindo, was to pay Martinez "$16,000, 150 cases of beer, several cases of meat and soda and wine."

In other words, he sold his daughter. Or traded her for goods. Part sold, part bartered, I guess.

His daughter reportedly agreed to the arrangement and went with Galindo without complaint. Unfortunately, she is 14 years old, below the state's age of consent.

Galindo is 18 years old, which could make him guilty of statutory rape and human trafficking.

The whole story came to light because Martinez went to the police when Galindo failed to make the payment. He initially reported that his daughter had run away, but the nature of the arrangement became apparent as police looked into the matter.

"'We were working on this one kind of backward. We hear about these things all the time, but they are kind of tough to investigate or prove,' (Greenfield police chief Joe) Grebmeier said today."

More stupid crooks

Via Gizmodo.

According to a story from WBNS, a Columbus, OH, man managed to retrieve his carjacked BMW.

Alan Heuss was forced from his car by three men, one brandishing a gun. They took his car, some cash and his cell phone.

After consulting with some friends, he sent a text message to his cell phone in hopes that the thieves would read it. In the message, he said he'd like his car back, so would they accept some hot chicks and some drugs in exchange.

The thieves texted back the address to which the hot chicks should bring the drugs.

The police went to the address, retrieved the car and cell phone and arrested three men, all of whom were wanted in connection with car thefts in the area.

[Side note: Sometimes I post stories like this as my prediction of what might show up on NPR's "Wait Wait Don't Tell Me" and/or Radio 4's "The News Quiz" next weekend. I would like to point out (modestly) that "Wait Wait" used both the Mirror's Bootleg Mall story and the Telegraph's Burglar Flees from Thor stories this past weekend. I should start keeping a scorecard.]

Stand By Me

Stand By Me

The spiritual successor to Where the Hell Is Matt? (click here for the HD version if your computer can handle the bitrate).

Rules of the Internet

3 Rules of the Internet

Found on Boing Boing.

From Rock Cookie Bottom comes this song in the "Fun-A-Day in the Bay" project.

What about Gay Marriage?

Get the latest news satire and funny videos at 236.com.

I can't really comment on this one. It speaks for itself.

MacBook Wheel

MacBook Wheel

"I'll buy almost anything if it's shiny and made by Apple."

Jon alone

Someone pointed out this blog, "Garfield Minus Garfield."

The premise is simple -- the blogger takes Garfield strips and removes Garfield from them, leaving only Jon Arbuckle.

As you can guess, the idea works better on some strips than on others (click on the example above for a larger and more legible version). But it's good for a few chuckles and a couple of laughs.

Cinematic Titanic #6

Frankenstein's Castle of Freaks

"Frankenstein's Castle of Freaks" will be available starting January 8 (this Thursday).

Most unwanted

Let me start by saying that This American Life is always worth listening to.

But this last weekend, it was especially so.

It was a rerun from 1998 (Episode 88: Numbers -- you can download it for free until next weekend, or you can stream it anytime), but not one that I've heard (or, at least, I don't remember hearing it before, but I think I would remember this). I was listening to this at the gym while doing leg lifts, and I nearly hurt myself trying not burst out laughing at one point in the episode.

The second story of the episode is about two artists (Vitaly Komar and Alex Melamid) who set out to create the "Most Wanted" and "Most Unwanted" paintings, based on a survey conducted in fourteen countries. The elements that most people wanted to see in the US were traditional photorealistic landscapes including mountains, a lake, trees, a family, deer and George Washington. So that's what they painted for the US (click above to enlarge). (Incidentally, mountains, lakes, trees, families and the color blue figured pretty heavily in the "Most Wanted" paintings of the majority of the countries in the survey.)

As a follow-up, they did a second survey about people's "Most Wanted" and "Most Unwanted" songs. According to Komar and Melamid's description, "The most unwanted music is over 25 minutes long, veers wildly between loud and quiet sections, between fast and slow tempos, and features timbres of extremely high and low pitch, with each dichotomy presented in abrupt transition. The most unwanted orchestra was determined to be large, and features the accordion and bagpipe (which tie at 13% as the most unwanted instrument), banjo, flute, tuba, harp, organ, synthesizer (the only instrument that appears in both the most wanted and most unwanted ensembles). An operatic soprano raps and sings atonal music, advertising jingles, political slogans, and 'elevator' music, and a children's choir sings jingles and holiday songs. The most unwanted subjects for lyrics are cowboys and holidays, and the most unwanted listening circumstances are involuntary exposure to commercials and elevator music. Therefore, it can be shown that if there is no covariance—someone who dislikes bagpipes is as likely to hate elevator music as someone who despises the organ, for example—fewer than 200 individuals of the world's total population would enjoy this piece."

They played several excerpts from the "Most Unwanted" song, and that's when I nearly hurt myself. I have ordered the CD, just because I now simply must hear the entire 25-minute epic.

Rather than try to describe it, I'll just strongly suggest that you listen to the episode.

While I'm recommending TAL episodes, one of the best episodes of all time is the one entitled "Music Lessons" (Episode 104, also from 1998), which includes David Sedaris, Sarah Vowell and Anne Lamott, all three wonderful. Also, if you've not heard it, check out "Act V" (Episode 218, from 2004) about Death Row inmates performing the fifth act of "Hamlet."

Bootleg mall

Via Huffington Post:

According to The Mirror, a shopping mall is soon opening in China that will be devoted entirely to rip-offs of well-known brand names.

The Mirror article is heavily illustrated with photos of various knock-off stores like "McDnoald's" (with three golden arches instead of two), "Mak Dak" (another McDonald's rip-off that turns the golden arches into a cartoon duck's face), "Bucksstar Coffee" (similar logo to Starbucks) and "Pizza Huh" (pictured here).

Other knock-off brand names featured in the photos include "Dama" (instead of "Puma"), "Naik" (instead of "Nike"), "PolyStation" (instead of "Playstation) and possibly the least careful of all, "Panosaonic".

Burglar flees from Thor

Via Boing Boing:

On New Year's Eve in Edinburgh, Scotland, Torvald Alexander went to a fancy dress party as Thor, the Norse god of Thunder.

When he returned home from the party, he found that a man had broken into his house and was in the process of rifling his desk.

According to the Telegraph, Alexander said, "As soon as he saw me his eyes went wide with terror. He looked like he had had a few drinks and decided to do a late night break in, but he hadn't counted on the God of Thunder living here."

The Telegraph continues:

"Mr Alexander said that the burglar had not managed to steal anything, but had left his shoes at the scene.

"He said: 'He had obviously taken off his shoes to creep about in silence, but when he saw me he just jumped out of the window in his socks. . .

"Mr Alexander said he was contacting police and was going to hand over the burglar's shoes in the hope police can trace him."

Mirrormask on Blu-ray

I missed this one when it happened. I only noticed it in Best Buy last week.

"Mirrormask" has been released on Blu-ray. According to Amazon, it was released on November 18.

We subscribed to Netflix concurrently with our getting a Blu-ray player. Something about having a Blu-ray player puts me in a state of mind where I am less likely to buy something on disc.

I used to have the attitude that paying $20 for a DVD was cheaper than two people going to the theater to see the same movie, and buying meant that you didn't ahve to worry about the title being checked out at the video store.

But the advent of Blu-ray is just that one step too far -- Beta, VHS, Laserdisc, DVD, HD-DVD and now Blu-ray. I mean, just how many copies of "Casablanca" and "Citizen Kane" do I need to buy in one lifetime?

And you do have to store these discs somewhere. A small San Francisco apartment is not ideal for owning a large library.

So if I buy something these days, it needs to be pretty darn special (with the possible exception of "The Dark Knight," which I figured would be good as a demo disc).

"Mirrormask" is visually very rich. If you like Neil Gaiman and Dave McKean, then this is your movie (but if you like them, you probably already know about "Mirrormask"). It's Gaiman's take on "Labyrinth." Literally. The film is produced by the Jim Henson Company, and it is intended to be a companion film for "Labyrinth." And Stephanie Leonidas is really wonderful in the lead role.

So you may take this as a recommendation.

New Ricky Gervais ... Stuff

Ricky Gervais, Karl Pilkington and Stephen Merchant are producing a new series, but they're not really calling it a "podcast." All references I've seen and heard call it an "audiobook." The first installment is available from iTunes and Audible now, and the second installment is coming later this month.

This is slightly different than what has come before, which could be a good thing.

This series is called "The Ricky Gervais Guide To...". Each installment sticks to a single topic -- installment one is "Medicine," and installment two is "Natural History."

I am guessing that this new format is a response to people's reactions to the fifth podcast series.

First, the fifth series wasn't even a series, really. All the episodes came out at once and were not even available as individual episodes, rather there was one file released that contained all the episodes in one program. In fact, the first two "episodes" were just one long episode interrupted in the middle by announcements of "That's the end of the first episode" and "Here's the second episode."

Second, the fifth series jumped around a lot and didn't seem to be about anything in particular.

So sticking to individual topics and releasing the installments one by one over a period of weeks could represent a big improvement. I've listened to about half of the first installment, and it is decidedly more focused than the fifth series, and is more entertaining overall.

I have not yet gotten to the controversial part. Apparently, Ricky makes a comment that people who have surgery in order to lose weight are "lazy fat fucking pigs" who should "stop eating, get off your arse and go for a run."

Ricky's response on his blog is as follows:

"I heard someone on the radio once say that they were tired of the prejudice aimed at the overweight. They said something like 'you're not allowed to make fun of gay people, so why are you allowed to make fun of fat people? It's the same thing.'

"It's not the same thing though, is it? Gay people are born that way. They didn't work at becoming gay. Fat people became fat because they would rather be that way than stop eating so much. They had to eat and eat to get fat. Then, when they were fat they had to keep up the eating to stay fat. For gayness to be the same as fatness, gay people would have to start off straight but then ween themselves onto cock. Soon they're noshing all day getting gayer and gayer. They've had more than enough cock... they're full... they're just sucking for the sake of it. Now they're overgay, and frowned upon by people who can have the occasional cock but not over indulge.

"When a doctor tells me that that's how you become gay, I'll stop making jokes about fat people."

I don't agree with everything he says here, and I think he's oversimplifying the situation by assuming that the only reason people are overweight is because they can't control their eating habits.

But remember that this is a man who has made fat jokes about himself all along. The previously referenced Telegraph article quotes him as saying of himself this past September, "'I laugh about being fat, but I should be ashamed. I should walk down the street and have people shouting "Fatty!". That's what I want, to get me out of it.

"'I get up in the morning, look in the mirror, and say to myself, 'Oh, you f---ing fat b-----d'.'"

So I do believe that any obesity jokes or comments that he makes are more self-reflexive than anything else.

[UPDATE: I finished it. It's not a huge deal. The context is that they're talking about the differences between complications that can arise from NECESSARY surgeries (like heart transplants) and VANITY surgeries (like collagen injections). The controversial statement is, I thought, a fast, passing remark. I thought it was fairly clear in context that Ricky was not talking about fat people in general, but rather about people who use surgery as a first resort rather than a last resort.]

Uncle Jay summarizes 2008

Uncle Jay Explains: Year End

This has been making the rounds in a big way, but I thought I'd post it just in case someone hasn't seen it yet.

YMCA New Year's Connection

Here's another of my New Year's traditions.

Every New Year's Day, the Central YMCA hosts a "New Year's Connection" lunch for approximately 300 low-income seniors. They invite several music and dance groups to entertain the seniors, and both the San Francisco Lesbian/Gay Freedom Band and the Dixieland Dykes +3 have been asked every year since I've been involved in both groups (Dixieland Dykes +3 were founded in 1995, and we've been doing this YMCA event for at least seven years if not more).

Today was the 30th annual such event, and the 18th consecutive year that I have attended. I now recognize many faces of people who have been attending every year for ten years or more.

This event is how I ensure that I start every year with aching, bloody lips -- each group plays for thirty to forty-five minutes.

This event is also incentive not to have a hangover on New Year's Day.

Click photos to enlarge.